The Hardest Person to Love

Do you love yourself? That should be a hard “yes,” but frequently we only get a “yea, pretty much.” We have all travelled different paths in life and have all experienced, to some degree, abuse at the hands of others. Many of us have experienced tremendous trauma including sexual and child abuse. It simply is a tragedy of the highest order.

Unfortunately, no one has inflicted more damage on you, than yourself. Let me repeat this! You have said and done more to harm yourself than any other person. It is estimated that we have approximately 60,000 thoughts a day. What is most interesting is that we have virtually the same thoughts each and every day.  How many of those thoughts each day have included looking in the mirror and saying you are fat, ugly, or stupid?

How many times have you said you hate yourself? Have you ever wished you were dead? It may not even be that strong. You may look at yourself and just think “Ugh!” Thousands upon thousands of times, every one of us have said such hurtful things. Things we would never say to another person, we say routinely to ourselves. Each word slowly chips away at our confidence, our hope, and our love, ultimately leading to a life of unhappiness and being unfulfilled.

It is time to start changing that destructive behavior.

When we are young children we are full of love. We haven’t yet bought into the perception of the world on what is pretty or ugly, smart or stupid, good or bad. We didn’t look at someone with judgment. We simply loved. What is pretty? Ask any male teenager and he is likely to say a tall, 115 lbs. blonde woman, with large breasts.

Where did he get that judgment? As a small child everyone was beautiful. Slowly we were taught what was pretty in society’s opinion.   As we grew we were indoctrinated into these norms. We were taught prejudice, judgment, and hatred.  Finally, after adopting these doctrines we became the teachers (parents), not deliberately misleading anyone, but because we now believed those things taught to us were true, we shared them with those we loved.  This includes the self-abuse we thrust upon ourselves all of our lives. The perceptions that we have of the world work like viruses and spread from person to person, developing and multiplying until they become accepted as societal norms. Do you love yourself? Simply, are these the actions of love?

Over the last several years the law of attraction has become the new, vogue positive attitude adjustment belief. People have adopted this belief and committed to making changes in their life to begin “attracting” abundance. This desire to adopt the law of attraction is admirable but nearly impossible to achieve unless we go to the source of our feelings. Why were we attracting negativity and lack of abundance previously?

The answer is that we were taught false and negative beliefs from our earliest years as truths and correct principles, and we internalized the false perceptions. They must be changed to begin attracting the wonderful things this life has to offer. In a nutshell, we don’t attract want we want, we attract what we are.

At this point, it is important to state that rarely are the “wonderful things” in this life related to money. Money is a worthy goal but has much more power in the law of attraction when its intent is to serve others. Intention is what attracts to your life. That is where true joy and fulfillment happen. Service!

After becoming aware that our thinking of the past was only our perceptions and can be changed, we are in a position to make that change. It simply isn’t pasting pictures of things we want on a board and hanging them on our wall. That may be helpful, but our internal thinking must be changed. We must feel the positive thoughts as part of us. That feeling is when the law of attraction becomes engaged.

Do you love yourself? If you are ready, I will show you how to begin making that change.

Thought awareness leads to change. Your mind works so quickly that you are not even aware of the negative flow of ideas that flood your mind, damaging your life and happiness. Therefore you must train your mind to automatically replace the negative ideas with positive thoughts. Initially you will need to do this deliberately, but slowly your mind will adopt the positive thoughts and immediately replace the negative thoughts with a positive thought on its own.

Remember, you were originally built to feel unconditional love and happiness. Your mind will quickly adapt back to these beliefs, because it is a natural condition. In the book of John in the New Testament, it says “God is Love.” You are part of God, he created you to be loving, kind and to feel joy. This is the condition God wants you in.

It was always frustrating to me that people would say change your thoughts and it will change your life. I accept that premise. But changing my thoughts consistently felt nearly impossible. I would be positive for days or even weeks at a time, but slowly old habits would creep in. Next thing I knew I was back where I started. Negative thoughts attracting further conditions of negativity.

Finally, I was able to overcome that cycle. I memorized a positive statement that I would replay every time I recognized my mind perpetuating negativity.  I know I just lost half the people reading this with a sigh of…negativity! Let me be clear. No strategy is easier and has more significant results than positive statements of affirmation. I heard about this process about thirty years ago. It took all those years for me to finally be humble enough to give it a try. Don’t make the same mistake I made by dismissing it based on its simplicity. Virtually every successful legendary author in personal development has taught this powerful principal. There is a reason; it works beyond what you can imagine.

Here is the statement I use, I call it my Cornerstone Statement:

I am worthy of unlimited abundance and prosperity,
regardless of the life experiences of the past.
I am a masterpiece of God. Perfect! Just as I am now at this very moment.
I will only reinforce and contemplate images
that are in harmony with this vision.

Every time a negative thought would come into my mind I would replay this statement. Rather quickly I began to here this positive statement played in my mind whenever my inner voice would say something negative. Now, instead of hearing, “you are fat!” I hear “I am a masterpiece of God. Perfect! Just as I am now at this very moment.”  If I hear, “I am a failure!” It is immediately replaced by, “I am worthy of unlimited abundance and prosperity.” I now hear these positive, enlightened messages many times a day. Imagine the change in my self image. Imagine the change in what I attract.

Why do I call it my Cornerstone? The cornerstone is the first stone set in a building upon which all other stones are built. If this first stone is done wrong, everything else after that is also wrong. This statement is the first statement to get my mind in a place where I can be blessed with a life of joy. Without this all other efforts can be ineffective.

Let’s breakdown the Cornerstone Statement.

I am worthy

For me this was the hardest part of the Cornerstone to internalize. In our society we are taught that true humility is a virtue, which it is, but then we define it poorly. Society, particularly religions, look at “we are nothing, we are as dust” as a deeper level of humility. In fact, humility is a natural response to developing one’s true god-like nature. The kinder, more forgiving, more loving you are, the virtue of humility is inevitably present. Demeaning one’s self, is simply a fake and misdirected attempt at being seen as humble. It is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

You are worthy of everything God can and will give you. You are worthy because you are part of and created by God.

I am worthy of unlimited abundance and prosperity,

Unlimited abundance and prosperity are defined differently by all of us. Notice I didn’t put unlimited wealth. That may be part of the equation for you but I must caution you, selfishness is a quick way to short circuit the power of positive attraction. Selfishness will attract selfishness. With that said, money is a wonderful way to impact many lives. It can bring opportunities to you and others in ways that without it are not possible. This is a positive desire.

I believe abundance is everything I need to effectively develop my passions and talents. God gives us these talents and passions to be developed, not to be blocked and stifled. Prosperity is growth in all that is good in your life. That may be deeper friendships, closer connections to family, more success in the things that are meaningful in your life.

I am worthy of unlimited abundance and prosperity,
regardless of the life experiences of the past.

You have heard many times that past performance is the best indicator of future success. The very fact that when you apply for a job you are asked for a resume underscores that point.  I am here to tell you that is only true for those who don’t understand the principles of spiritual and emotional growth. It is only true for those who don’t understand how changing one’s thoughts can alter the things that are attracted to their life. You are not that person. The fact that you are holding this book is because change has been attracted to your life. The past is important, regardless of what has occurred, because it has made you what you are today. The problem is when you accept that failures of the past result in failures in the future. You are not your past, in fact, you are not your future. You are simply what you are at this very moment. The abundance and prosperity of the future is in no way connected to the life experiences of the past. Which leads us to the next statement in the Cornerstone.

I am worthy of unlimited abundance and prosperity,
regardless of the life experiences of the past.
I am a masterpiece of God. Perfect! Just as I am now at this very moment.

My point here is not to convince you there is a God. Nor do I desire to define who or what God is to you. That is a personal matter for each of us to assess on our own. What I do ask of you is to recognize there is an order to our universe. Something keeps all of the universe in an undeniable harmony, of which you are part of. Some call it Source Energy, some Allah, Christ, Buddha, or simply “a higher power.”  Whatever your belief, I am asking you to recognize that God made you the way you are because that is what he wanted for you at this moment. It is his perfect order. In that belief you must then recognize the perfection of his creation of all things. That means, right now at this moment you are exactly where God wants you. That doesn’t mean that you are destined to be in the same place tomorrow or ten years from now. In fact, through growth by your choice, I hope you won’t be.  Simply, you are where God wants you now. You are his masterpiece! Perfect! Just as you are now at this very moment.

I am worthy of unlimited abundance and prosperity,
regardless of the life experiences of the past.
I am a masterpiece of God. Perfect! Just as I am now at this very moment.
I will only reinforce and contemplate images
that are in harmony with this vision.

In the last phrase of the Cornerstone Statement I reiterate that I will only allow positive images to thrive in my mind. This does not mean negative thoughts will not show up. They will! The key is whether you reinforce them by allowing supportive negative thoughts to enter.

One night at about midnight, my daughter Jamie came running into my bedroom.  “Dad, dad,” she said, “there is something scratching at the garage door.” We have an adjoining garage that has a door into the house. I looked around and both of our dogs were in the house. My next thought was that Jamie was probably watching a scary movie that had gotten to her a bit. I slowly dragged myself out of bed and walked into the family room to where the garage door entered. I slowly grabbed the doorknob while Jamie was sheltered behind me, peering over my shoulder. I heard the noise. Scratch, scratch, scratch. It didn’t sound like a big dog. My first thought at that point was that a small neighbor dog must have snuck through the open door when we were driving in and got stuck in there. That worried me because I had no idea what to expect from the dog. Would it be angry and hungry? I slowly opened the door and looked into the dark garage. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the figure that was standing there in the blackness, and just then my daughter yelled, “Skunk!” as the little black and white creature stuck his tail in the air and pointed his posterior directly at us. I squealed like a teenage school girl and slammed the door, just in the nick of time to avoid the skunk’s odiferous delivery. It took us three days to finally get that skunk out of my garage. Can you imagine the damage had he come into the house?

Why do I tell you such a story? I can’t think of a better metaphor for a negative thought than a skunk. It can do you no harm unless you let it in, then it can wreak havoc and be very difficult to remove. Even after its gone you are going to suffer with the horrible smell it left behind. The unfortunate thing is that all too often the garage door to our mind doesn’t exist. There really is nothing there to stop the negative thought from coming in. Once into your mind the painful results grow and cause tremendous damage. Even if you finally get that thought out of your mind, there is often times a residue left behind that lingers for some time after. It is so much better to keep the skunk in the garage and never open the door. That is what the Cornerstone Statement does.

In the Cornerstone you commit to only reinforce and contemplate images that support unlimited abundance and prosperity, and your wonder as God’s creation. When a negative thought enters your mind it will begin to be immediately replaced by the positive statements directed by the Cornerstone. Simply, the garage door is slammed in its face. Negativity will ultimately only have fleeting moments of “air time” in your mind. For me it is most often when I’m driving. If people would just use their blinkers!

Loving yourself is critical to finding joy. You must be able to understand that in all the the wrinkles, extra weight, baldness, foolishness and mistakes made, is something glorious. That something is you and it is God’s greatest creation. Focusing on what you believe to be weakness is not in harmony with divinity and will only reinforce unhappiness. By learning to control your thoughts you will begin to see your own majesty and the beauty of all creation. You will begin to love all of you. You will begin to find joy.

I love the work Byron Katie does in the area of Loving What Is. A big part of that is loving yourself. Check her out here. You might also like my work on Loving Others As You Love Yourself.